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Cover of Children of the Self-absorbed

Children of the Self-absorbed

a grownup's guide to getting over narcissistic parents

First published 2001 · 264 pages

A validating and practical roadmap for navigating the complex emotional terrain of having a narcissistic parent.

What it feels like

Reading this book feels like sitting down with a deeply empathetic yet pragmatic therapist who finally puts a name to the emotional exhaustion you've carried for years. The pace is steady and deliberate, guiding you through the heavy, reflective work of understanding destructive family dynamics without leaving you stranded in the past. Instead, the atmosphere shifts from a serious acknowledgment of emotional neglect to a grounded, hopeful space of actionable change. The prose is clear and structured, translating clinical psychological concepts into accessible, step-by-step strategies. It is a profoundly validating experience designed for adult children who are ready to stop sacrificing their own needs and start building realistic, mutually respectful boundaries with self-absorbed parents.

Mood
  • reflective
  • serious
  • hopeful
  • grounded
Tone
  • empathetic
  • instructive
  • validating
  • practical
Pace
steady
Themes
setting boundaries · healing family dynamics · understanding narcissism · reclaiming autonomy
The writing
Clear, accessible, and structured, breaking down complex psychological concepts into actionable steps.
The arc
From the heavy realization of childhood emotional neglect to the grounded empowerment of establishing healthy boundaries.
Who it's for
Adults who grew up feeling emotionally dismissed by their parents and are now seeking tools to manage those relationships.
Content notes
  • emotional neglect
  • family conflict
  • narcissistic abuse

About the book

"Being a parent is usually all about giving of yourself to foster your child's growth and development. But what happens when this isn't the case? Some parents dismiss the needs of their children, asserting their own instead, demanding attention and reassurance from even very young children. This may especially be the case when a parent has narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. From the author of Working with the Self-Absorbed and Loving the Self-Absorbed, this major revision of a self-help classic offers a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and building a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic parent. Children of the Self-Absorbed offers clear definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help you identify the extent of your parent's problem. You'll learn the different types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on relationships. With the aid of proven techniques, you'll discover that you're not helpless against your parent's behavior and that you needn't consider giving up on the relationship. Instead, realistic strategies and steps are suggested for learning to set mutually agreed upon behaviors that can help you fulfill your needs and expectations." --Back cover.

Description from Open Library.

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