Books › Mating in Captivity
Mating in Captivity
First published 2006 · 352 pages
A provocative, paradigm-shifting exploration of why safety and desire are so often at odds in modern love.
What it feels like
Reading this book feels like sitting in the office of a brilliant, deeply empathetic therapist who is gently dismantling everything you thought you knew about love. The pace is steady and contemplative, allowing the reader to absorb its paradigm-shifting ideas about the inherent tension between our need for security and our craving for desire. The mood is intimate and intellectually stimulating, laced with a slightly transgressive edge as it challenges the modern ideal of the egalitarian, fully transparent marriage. The prose is elegant and incisive, blending clinical case studies with poetic, philosophical insights into human nature. It is a revelatory experience that will delight anyone fascinated by the messy, beautiful psychology of relationships, leaving readers feeling both provoked and profoundly liberated.
- Mood
- intimate
- intellectually stimulating
- revelatory
- transgressive
- Tone
- provocative
- empathetic
- analytical
- candid
- sophisticated
- Pace
- steady
- Themes
- the paradox of intimacy and desire · autonomy versus fusion · the psychology of lust · the burden of domesticity · eroticism in long-term relationships
- The writing
- Elegant, incisive, and deeply articulate, blending clinical observation with poetic insight.
- The arc
- Moves from the comforting but stifling reality of modern domesticity into the liberating, sometimes uncomfortable terrain of erotic autonomy.
- Who it's for
- Couples seeking to reignite passion, individuals fascinated by the psychology of human relationships, and anyone questioning the modern romantic ideal.
Content notes
- discussions of infidelity
- sexual dysfunction
- relationship conflict
About the book
Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever? Can we want what we already have? Why does the transition to parenthood so often spell erotic disaster? Does good intimacy always make for good sex?
Ether Perel takes on these tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
In her twenty years of clinical experience, Perel has treated hundreds of couples whose home lives are empty of passion. They describe relationships that are open and loving, yet sexually dull. What is going on?
In this explosively original book, Perel explains that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor is antithetical to erotic desire for both men and women. Sexual excitement doesn't always play by the rules of good citizenship. It is politically incorrect. It thrives on power plays, unfair advantages, and the space between self and other. More exciting, playful, even poetic sex is possible, but first we must kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms.While Mating in Captivity shows why the domestic realm can feel like a cage, Perel's take on bedroom dynamics promises to liberate, enchant, and provoke. Flinging the doors open on erotic life and domesticity, she invites us to put the "X" back in sex.
Description from Open Library.
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