Books › Getting the love you want

Getting the love you want
First published 1988 · 375 pages
A compassionate, eye-opening exploration of the psychological roots of romantic conflict and the intentional path to healing together.
What it feels like
Reading this book feels like sitting in a quiet room with a wise, endlessly patient therapist who is gently untangling the knots of your romantic history. The pace is steady and deliberate, inviting deep reflection rather than a rushed cover-to-cover binge. It creates an atmosphere of profound introspection, shifting the mood from the frustration of recurring relationship conflicts to a grounded, hopeful sense of possibility. The prose is clear and empathetic, seamlessly translating complex psychological concepts into accessible, actionable insights. It is a deeply validating experience, perfect for partners wanting to transform their friction into intimacy, or anyone ready to look inward and understand the hidden forces shaping how they love.
- Mood
- introspective
- hopeful
- grounding
- reflective
- Tone
- earnest
- compassionate
- insightful
- encouraging
- Pace
- steady
- Themes
- childhood wounds · unconscious attraction · conscious partnership · healing through connection · emotional communication
- The writing
- Clear, structured, and deeply empathetic, blending psychological theory with relatable anecdotes and practical exercises.
- The arc
- Moves from the painful recognition of unconscious relationship patterns toward the hopeful, empowering work of building a conscious partnership.
- Who it's for
- Couples seeking to deepen their connection and individuals eager to understand the hidden psychological forces driving their romantic choices.
Content notes
- childhood trauma
- emotional neglect
- relationship conflict
About the book
Originally published by Henry Holt and Co., 1988.
Includes bibliographical references (p. 293-296).
Description from Open Library.
Books like Getting the love you want
See why they match
Hold Me TightSue JohnsonA compassionate, science-backed roadmap for turning relationship conflict into profound emotional connection.
AttachedAmir LevineA validating, science-backed decoder ring for the confusing dynamics of human love and intimacy.
Why We LoveHelen FisherAn illuminating dive into the human brain that decodes the ancient, biological machinery behind our most romantic impulses.
Love and LimeranceDorothy TennovA scholarly and deeply researched dissection of the overwhelming mechanics of romantic obsession.
A general theory of loveLewis, Thomas, Fari Amini and othersAn illuminating exploration of the biological and psychological rhythms that wire us for connection.
Men are From Mars, Women are From VenusJohn GrayA comforting, metaphorical guide to bridging the communication gap and fostering empathy between partners.